This time, the author starts writing because she feels she is going to die. She feels it in her body. She first writes on New Year's Eve, when her visitors have left, and she writes overnight. When she's writing her pain increases, in her shoulders, her nape, her back, her backbone and muscles. Her eyes sore. But she thinks the chief danger is in her heart, for it beats with such violence and difficulty as if it's going to exhaust itself. But the muscular pains feel more immediate, so she doesn't attend to her heart as she would otherwise do.

She writes about today. She had prepared for A's visit, but A didn't come. For this part refer to Ding Ling's Miss Sophie's Diary. The difference is, she had prepared to love A. She had made that decision because her best friend had persuaded her into it; or because she had seen something, the happy example of a poor but content family to awaken her from the delusion of the futile promise of perseverance, or something. So she had decided to step down and love. But then A didn't come, and instead another man came and warmed her heart toward him. Afterwards A will resent it, will be indignant, and accuse her of being changeable. But she is unable to communicate the subtle changes, the decision and disappointment, the unexpected attention, disturbance, and love.

So she writes.

In the end she will die when she is writing. Her entry is unfinished, stopping at the half typed character "want"